things I am thinking right now

Young people of my generation (and anyone else who has an opinion), please respectfully disagree in the comments so I can think harder and lose more study time over this. I need opposing ideas to bounce around.
  1. I think "Follow your passion" is a middle class mindset. If everyone followed their passion and tried to turn it into a career, I'm sure we wouldn't have janitors and factory workers and ... I don't know, people who castrate bulls, or whatever. I think that Mike Rowe TED speech about dirty jobs got it right. You don't just do what you like. You go where no one else is going. In that same vein, you find a problem and solve it. It's typical how-to-start-a-business thinking. Find a solution to a problem. Or find a solution better than the currently existing ones.

  2. Even if janitorial work is meant to be a temporary thing, just a stepping stone on your way between greatnesses, and everyone's supposed to do it at some point to pay their dues, what if your passion isn't something that can be monetized? What if your passion is Helping poor people? You want to get paid for that? Whose money are you taking? What if your passion is eating gourmet truffles?

  3. What if the U. S. collapses and I decide to move to a foreign country even though I don't speak the language and can't get a job working in that language, because there is better than here? Sound familiar? Am I supposed to work really hard and hope my kids do better? Would I be deeply unhappy?

  4. And I don't think you can follow your passion unless you're in a position to do so. As in, you're financially secure enough to do so. So am I supposed to set myself up to be financially secure? Or is that not the point? Why should I spend all that time setting myself up when I am going to die? If I can't pay my bills, can I still follow my passion? Why do bills matter? People matter.

  5. What if I graduated early?

  6. I think I am being truthful with myself when I say that Computer Science is not something that gets me out of bed in the morning. I don't need a FutureMe email composed from three years ago to tell me that. I know I don't love it. So am I wasting my time? Or should it not matter that I don't love it? Am I missing a bigger picture here, or is this the gut feeling I should listen to? What was my gut feeling about UCLA vs. Cal? Was it the feeling of really scary opportunity and discomfort that I should have listened to, or the one that said This is something safe and familiar but different enough to make you a little nervous?

  7. Me being overly analytical about this right now is normal. So maybe not every college student goes through this, but some do. And we're just a different brand of normal. A typical quarter-life crisis is supposed to occur after college graduation but when have I ever done things on time instead of early? It happens.

  8. Being Asian means there has never been a separation between what my family values and what I value, because the highest value is family. So do I actually care or not? How bad can things possibly get? Sure, there's debt and hospital bills and insurance and money problems, but how scary is financial instability in the face of... a) your significant other leaving you, b) the people you love dying, c) almost being killed in a car crash, d) losing a limb, e) going blind, f) being diagnosed with cancer? Does it matter or not? It's not like these are ridiculous situations either. EVERYONE DIES. Is it more important to be uncomfortable now and stable later, or to like everything I commit to? What if I'm on the verge of completing my Computer Science degree and then get hit by a truck and am completely disfigured and paralyzed? Will I not have regretted using my time doing something I'm not that fond of?

  9. But if everyone did things they liked, wouldn't everyone just be having sex all the time?

  10. How do you determine what you want? Will I just know? Or will I know in hindsight?

  11. Am I just being lazy? Am I afraid of working hard? NO. Crap. I do work hard. But only for things I care about. So then what?

  12. I know that I said I Made A Decision about what I am at Cal for. But that was mostly to firmly plant myself in one camp of thought. And now that I'm here, all I feel is trapped. Scared. And most definitely not willing to put in the work that a Computer Science degree will require. Why should I do this when there are people who are willing to put in the work, and when there are things I am willing to put work into that other people aren't? Why should I do something I find less than easy that other people find completely easy, when there are things I find easy that other people find difficult?

  13. Am I supposed to find the thing I am exceptional at and milk it for all its worth? Or solve someone else's problems? I was told that I don't seem to be that type of person. But I was told that by someone who doesn't know me very well. Shouldn't I know the answer to that myself, if I know myself so well? What if I'm indifferent to the idea? What if the first impression I leave is more accurate than the me I've constructed for myself in my mind?

  14. Can't I just be a fucking tailor or cobbler or cordovan or something?

  15. I pretty much fail at this whole "fashion/style blogging" thing.
[EDIT: Today, I was inadvertently alerted to the fact that "cordovan" is a type of leather. Not the person who works with the leather. Epic fail indeed.]
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