looking back on the things I've done

Things I was thankful for in March:

• when the light turns green right before you hit the end of the sidewalk to start crossing
• Amir for saying hi to me or else I would never have realized we were in the same discussion section
  
• remembering my resolution to be sincere, be dorkily earnest
• that the guys who lived in this room 3 years ago dropped by, and that the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling were already there when they moved in
• Marc and Elizabeth for distracting Amman so we could ambush his room a la The Office (sorry, I don't watch, so I don't where to link to the episode...)
• Kim for thinking of The Office, Bryan for his fantastically ugly semi-inflated balloons, and Mariah for her amazing gift-wrapping skills
• Kim for deciding to make her gift to Amman from everyone who ever existed on this floor
• reading the wrong article for ESPM and then getting the luck of the draw during discussion and being assigned jury, which meant I only had to ask questions, not provide an argument
• making fun of Daniel with Jessie
  
• Billy Elliot (I kind of love this kid.)
  
  

• Michael when he was reading through my scripts, because he did voices and everything
• Bryan saying, "I just passed like five people from our floor!" to which I responded, "Sorry," to which he added, "But you're my favorite." Love you too.
  
• I never thought I would say it, but Seward
• Cafe Colucci and Ethiopian food
  
• getting fliered by a Men's Octet man
• wedding stories from my grandmother, while we were trying to polish an old necklace
• Amélie
  
• closing the window right before the wind turned and blew rain toward our side of the building
• FaceBook mini-feed clogging
• seeing people come back from Holi celebrations
  
• that call from Ching about play submissions
• Amir for asking if I wanted to study for our Logic midterm with him (and his cute friend!)
  
• that I thought to myself, "Hey, that guy's accent sounds just like Amir's," while walking, only to turn around when I heard, "Oh, hi, Samantha" from Amir
• ridiculousness, ridiculosity, being redic
• garlic naan
• figuring out how to put eyeliner on my waterline
• Amir's friend... who is cute
• Ben, because I still have a fatty crush on him and would like to be him when I grow up (...male, black and Japanese, and epicly cool)
  
• my brother and cousin for picking me up and loving Crossroads food
• Rabbids on the Wii

• in general, Amman, who has appeared a (possible?) record 22/31 times on my daily lists this month (possible, if I don't count food in general)
  
• the poo song from Scrubs and my brother singing it
  
  
  
• music that can make you feel happy like an old time movie
• pho, the bike racks, Kristine and her boy, C. O. Bigelow's Mentha Lip Shine, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, piano, and the thought of learning a new language
• unagi
• that call from Victoria!
  
• the guy at the post office who let my mom and me renew our passports without an appointment
• Spring Awakening music
  
• Twilight, Kristen Stewart, and whoever plays Jasper
  
• Midnight Sun
• waking up in my dorm
• Lincoln for inflating my Facebook photo count

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child's play

This is Brayden's playset. I enjoy the walrus.

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sucker for sheath dresses

Can I be her? Or at least have her dress? Thanks.

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kill monotony

I probably shouldn't like this Threadless shirt.

Buuuuuut... I do.

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Tony Duran

Usually I don't like photos that involve a lot of nudity. (Even male nudity. Really.) They turn out looking too D&G or American Apparel trashy. Like they're trying too hard to be provocative and edgy and miss the whole art thing. So I don't know why I like these photos by Tony Duran a lot. I guess this goes under my mental category of The Human Body Is Art. Lots of nudity below!

And my two favorite...

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touch me

Touch me - just like that.
And that - oh, yeah - now, that's heaven.
Now, that I like.
God that's so nice.



I really thought it was just my drama teacher who made us do push-ups while reciting lines, but singing? Impressed.



Special thanks to Sunshine for the Spring Awakening soundtrack.

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FLML

HAHA

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What about a tea kettle?

So I painted my nails. Please excuse my disgusting cuticles that I cannot bring myself to stop picking at.

And then I got dressed.

Above, purple cardigan: Uniqlo. Teal faux pashmina: New York street vendor. Belt: GAP for boys. Dress: Old Navy. Tights: Look from London via Buffalo Exchange. Flats: Steve Madden.

I enjoy how much taller and thinner this next picture makes me feel.

And then I put on some rings. And did not put lotion on my hands (oh, this is really gross. Positively scaly).

Above, rings: Claire's.

And then I ended up at Border's for an hour reading Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close because I started to read it on amazon's Look Inside This Book feature and really liked it.

I got a good eighty or more pages into it before I had to leave. Which means I am now really textually frustrated and need to finish this book.

During the hour or so at Border's, I received several awkward comments on my tights. I think perhaps I will not wear them near middle-aged men.

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variations on a theme: food

March calendar at home involves chocolate...

Latest purchase, marked down from $7.50 to $5. (This tastes BLOODY AMAZING. I also forgot what the texture of lip gloss was like. I feel very 13 years old again. Peppermint.)

And pizza from the farmer's market. Apparently the crust is... corn? In any case, I haven't had sun-dried tomatoes in a long time.

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to my 2.5 readers,

Do you think I should study Arabic or Hindi? These are the two languages I am deciding between.

That is all.

Love,
Fazed-Girl

[EDIT: Thank you, readers! (I am still waiting for you, 0.5.) Hindi is supposed to be easier to learn for English speakers. Arabic ranks up there close to Chinese as one of the hardest languages for English speakers to learn (probably because Hindi is Indo-European and therefore somewhat related, whereas Arabic is its own brand of whack), which is my biggest qualm. I am still waffling, but happily so.]

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I love you guys.

One thing that gets me about choosing fragrances is that I only have two wrists, so I can't really try out more than two scents on a given day (since I really don't know how things are going to smell after they've interacted with my skin). This list is probably only useful to me. Oh well.

EPIC WIN: Burberry London
In the bottle: +++
On paper: +++
After a while: +++ (+++ if it's possible to smell better after a little sweat)

FAIL: Clinique Happy
In the bottle: +
On paper: ++
After a while: =
(I got sucked in by magazine samples. Evelina got this for me as a gift. Really good for overpowering the smell of sweat, but so is, you know, Victoria's Secret.)

MOST ACCURATE NAME: Aquolina Pink Sugar
In the bottle: + (pleasantly sugary sweet, but too sweet for me to wear because I am not a sweet person)
On paper: ?
After a while: ?

OVERHYPED: Marc Jacobs Daisy
In the bottle: ++
On paper: ++
After a while: - -

TWO-FACED: Miss Dior Cherie
In the bottle: +++
On paper: +++
After a while: - - -
(I could not believe how gross this smelled after half an hour compared to how good it smelled in the bottle.)

TOO OLD: Lolita Lempicka
In the bottle: ++
On paper: =
After a while: ?
(Bonus points for having Lolita in the name and for a pretty bottle.)

TOO YOUNG: Vera Wang Princess
In the bottle: ++
On paper: +++
After a while: =
(This smells a little too pre-teen on me, but bonus points for one of my favorite ad campaigns.)

Next things I want to get my grubby little paws on:

Diesel Fuel for Life Unlimited (because I've heard it smells amazing), Tom Ford Black Orchid (for the bergamot and vanilla), Prada Infusion d'Iris (because the bottle is classy...), Tom Ford White Patchouli (this bottle is really ugly, but bergamot and sandalwood and intriguing patchouli), Armani Code (also heard this smells amazing, and bonus points for the bottle), Narciso Rodriguez for Her (also heard this smells amazing), Givenchy Very Irrésistible (smelled it and liked it once, and Liv Tyler campaign), Fresh Sake (...it sounds cool), Viva La Juicy (for the honeysuckle. I love honeysuckle an unbelievable amount, and the packaging is cute if a little cutesy), Salvatore Ferragamo Incanto Charms (also for honeysuckle, though I think the bottle is kind of tacky in a bad way), Guerlain Aqua Allegoria Herba Fresca (apparently "fresh" and "green" smelling, plus it has green tea), and Hampton Sun Privet Bloom (nice bottle, and lemon verbena!)

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1st and Amistad

Above, blazer: Goodwill. Blue thermal: Old Navy, gift. Jeans: Forever21. Oxfords: Payless.

This time last year I was busy having Epiphanic Moments, courtesy of James Joyce, contemplating the unfathomable significance of my then-favorite white boy picking lint off my back during rehearsal and how he declared it necessary to accompany me to the trash can. We were dressed like Charlie Chaplins in our matching bowler hats and printed bow ties, twirling our matching umbrellas, and he said to me, "You know you want to be a boy." (And it was true then, as it sometimes is now. Girls can be such bitches. Incidentally, at the same time Minnie's parents would freak out if she lived with guys next year, my mom is freaking out because I probably won't be able to.)


Oh, how things have changed.

I've spent the past few days having a spiritual crisis (how does one detach? I can walk through the mental process of detachment for whatever minor thing's happening at the time, but I can't actually detach, and how do you detach from everything?), testing my ability to digest lactose by consuming huge amounts of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and milk, getting stupidly mad at the flower shop for not having anything yellow, marveling at how I've lost all sense of how English and Chinese sound because I understand them, and suppressing a serious jetsetting itch.

Above, fake pashmina: NY street vendor. Key necklace: DIY. T-shirt: Napoleon in War Paint, Threadless. Dress: vintage FCUK. Tote: J. Crew. Tights: generic.

I have also not cared this little about how I look in the past several years since I was a little kid. I will take this as a sign that I am reconciling myself with my Self, and not that I'm lazy.

I always like to think things are constantly getting better. I think they are. I am still having Epiphanic Moments. As Connie once said, epiphanies are bittersweet.

Epiphanic Moment: A couple of days ago, my cousin declared that she needed to see my dorm, so we went, and while she was sprawled on my bed, and I on Mariah's (O Mattress Pad!), gazing at her upside-down Polaroids and feathered masks, I realized

1. I would rather be here than at home.
2. I have unwittingly grown terribly, terribly fond of the city of Berkeley, despite verbal protestation and declaring my undying loyalty to San Francisco. (Oh, B! Ours is a forbidden love.)
3. ...I am even developing a crush on Berkeley the school. On competent professors and GSIs, and how ridiculously huge and anonymous the student body is, and I can take Arabic next year?
   

And the question now is, did I really want to know that? It is so much easier to Angst than to Love because it gives me something to blame when I fail. And yet.

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these are trying times

Oh, shopping ban. You are driving me up the wall.

Above, Owl Face Ring, $3.80 at Forever21

Above, Tulle Ballet Skirt, $15.80 at Forever21

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