Missy Doroshi: unprompted wordiness

Showing posts with label unprompted wordiness. Show all posts

I think I got carried away, or IFB Project #2: Let's Get Poetic

This is my entry for the second installment of the IFB Project, for which the instructions were to "pick something out of your closet you love and write a haiku about it." I'm no Winona, but I couldn't resist trying. I guess I'll call the first haiku my official entry... The nine other ones that follow are just for fun.

double seagull ring,
you give a whole new meaning
to flipping the bird.

--------------------------

cheapest shoe i own —
no self-respect, just lets me
walk all over it.

--------------------------

fcuk slip:
sunny the prostitute from
catcher in the rye

--------------------------

banana necklace:
neither apple nor orange —
y u so phallic?

--------------------------

ron weasley t-shirt:
the closest i've ever let
a man near my heart.

--------------------------

discontinued keds:
i carry them in my heart —
they carry my soles.

[Photo: Work It, Berk]

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extremely striped pants:
let's run away together —
circus or prison?

--------------------------

coral marquise ring:
the classiest of them all —
lost in a bathroom.

--------------------------

ugliest sweater:
only a mother'd forgive
the gilt on your chest.

--------------------------

batman timepiece: it's
the watch my wrist deserves, but
not the one it needs

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21 Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far: So You Want To Be A 20-Year-Old Getting a Humanities Degree Instead of a Computer Science Degree

Because I like lists, and everyone should want to take life advice from someone who still can't legally drink and is going to be unemployed post-grad.

For every 10 minutes of solid crying, drink one cup of water.

After spending any extended period of time in the hospital, disinfect the bottoms of your shoes.

Always rinse your mouth after vomiting. Brush your teeth if you can.

Sometimes when you have inexplicable crushes on people, it’s not because you want to do them; it’s because you want to be them.

If you’re studying or reading and you’re losing focus, break open a can of tuna or eat peanut butter straight from the jar. (Yay protein!) If you can spare the time, scrambled eggs with ketchup are great, too.

If you’re coding, stay up as late as you want. If you’re debugging, go to bed before midnight and don’t look at your code until you wake up.

The ChromeTaster extension for Google Chrome makes it possible to download any audio files posted on tumblr.

Front-load trumps top-load, always.

If you really need to stop yourself from crying (or at least from producing tears; this doesn’t help with that racking-sob-feeling), roll your eyes. Or cross them. Tilt your head back and count ceiling tiles.

There are people who like musicals and people who don’t.

When buying jeans, the most important thing aside from fit is pocket placement because they will make or break your ass.

When browsing for books of interest, read the first few pages and a couple smack in the middle. If both are good, consider buying it.

If you are making a pie crust from scratch and want a flaky crust, your butter should be pretty much frozen solid before you add it into your dough.

The more unnatural the lipstick color, the more likely you will want to apply it with a lip brush (for a matte lip) or finger-mix it with gloss in the palm of your hand (for a good dull shine).

Do not wear thigh-highs unless you are prepared to deal with cat-callers.

Avoid scheduling classes after noon. Also avoid large gaps of free time between classes.

Film is not less respectable than live theater; it’s just that it’s easier to watch crap movies than to watch crap theater. Watch better movies.

You have chronic bitchface.

If you need to make or take an important phone call, put on high heels and walk around a few times, then sit down to talk.

There is rarely any need to buy full-size perfume bottles. Do it if the scent is being discontinued, but otherwise, you’ll never use the whole thing.

It’s easier to wake up if you have a half-glass of water before bed, because as soon as you’re awake enough to realize you’re in bed, you’ll realize how much you need to go to the bathroom.

Look, it's David Tennant in drag!

Aaaaand I would still hit that, which is making my watch of Doctor Who, Series 4 a little awkward.

And a little foxy.

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THIS IS RELEVANT TO NOTHING EXCEPT MY RECENT LIFE PLANNING SESSIONS

From an email to someone I never thought I would be in contact with.

(insert GIF of someone wiping sweat off their brow) Phew, good thing I decided to poke around the ModCloth website because apparently these are the engineering positions they're looking to fill: http://www.modcloth.com/careers and they definitely would not be recruiting at Berkeley for people like me (bloggers, writers, clothing designers), since I think they usually head-hunt those people online. (At least, I think they head-hunted their current blogging team through the internet.) So now I don't have to feel guilty about not writing up a resume or cover letter...

I don't want to work with code. At all. To be honest, I don't think I'm in any position to be doling out advice or any kind of information you should value as useful, because I think I am borderline depressed, seeing as I've reverted to the version of me as a high school senior filling out college applications, which is to say, I think I just want to work in theater again. Or (more) preferably, to die young and not have to worry about work or burdening other people with the knowledge that it will be hard for me to find work. The thing is, I don't want to work for someone else, and I've never really wanted to, and it wasn't until I took a couple semesters of CS courses that I realized I really, really can't do something in a space where I don't feel comfortable enough to be creative. I know there's a lot of space for creativity and innovation in computer science, programming, building up enormous (or elegantly short) pieces of code, manipulating data, whatever, but it's not something I can put myself into. There's some quote that goes ~if you can't put yourself into it, take yourself out of it.

I don't know what I'm doing with myself, and at this point I could not care much less about my declared major (linguistics), and even though I'm a 4.0 student in my major, I wouldn't care much if I got B's in my upper divs this semester because I don't see what the point of this is. At all. I'm not going to work as a linguist. Jobs for half-hearted linguists don't even exist.

So part of me is like, this is selfish. You are being selfish because you owe your family everything, and if you aren't going to be able to support them, if you're going to be dragging them down, you may as well wander off and die because they've invested so much time and energy and love into you, and your so much as thinking of taking it for granted is offensive and unworthy of the kind of lifestyle they've enabled you to have.

And then the other part of me is like, yeah, but mostly they just want you to be happy, or at least not so caught up in your neuroses about what you think you're supposed to be doing that you lose the ability to look around and go, hey, what I have is pretty great. It would be a pity to die because I would lose this.

There's some life/career advice from Eve Ensler (of the Vagina Monologues, which I haven't seen) that goes something like "Give the world the thing you want the most, to fix the broken parts inside you," and for me, I who am broken in stupid ways in stupid places, it has to be art. Maybe for other people it is solving problems for other people, or making cool things that inspire people to go do shit, or making people feel good about themselves, or supporting their family, if you...have grown up too aware of a lack of money and feel that it is the driving force behind all your actions. For me, it is something about young people and the feeling of aloneness or isolation, outsiderness, like something is wrong with you, or like you are holding something too heavy for you to bear but no one can see it. I don't know what that translates to in terms of a career, but I suspect it has very little to do with ModCloth or working for a solid paycheck. I imagine a regular paycheck would be nice, but maybe it's overrated.

Maybe that's a middle-class-America mindset. I don't know. I'm more lower class than middle class. What I do know is that money matters, but only to a point, and for me, I hit that point early and low on the economic scale, because people matter to me so much more than creature comforts. I think I would rather suffer than be mediocre, because at least out of suffering can come great art. Shooting for mediocrity feels like you're just trying to avoid pain, but what's the point? Living is painful. I mean, you have to risk failing hard if you want to do something enormous. It's not like I feel the need to be the next Mark Zuckerberg, but I am pretty sure (and am kind of afraid) that if I'm not doing something that elicits responses from people along the lines of "What you're doing helped me through X," I won't be able to live with myself.

I don't know what the big picture is for what I am doing right now...Just equipping myself with whatever I happen to pass by that looks like it could be lethal if used properly.

For levity, this is a picture of Jesse Eisenberg that exists.

From the The Social Network cast's appearance on El Hormiguero. It was pretty ridiculous.

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How to wait for an email: a not necessarily harmless technique

An incomplete guide for the restless.

FIDGETING FOR A FEW MINUTES:

Robot Unicorn Attack.
On that same thread but cuter, Orisinal games.
Knock items off your petty to-do list (things like “flip calendar to new month” and “make clothes hangers all hang the same way” and “schedule dentist appointment” and “soak retainers in denture cleaner”).
Chores. Scour that tub, wipe off that counter, do those dishes, start that laundry, organize that desk, shred those papers, vacuum those motherfucking cobwebs.
Take a shower. (Shave your legs if you need to kill lots of time. If you need to kill a lot of time, you could try turning your shower water into wine while in there.)
Groom. Tweeze those stray eyebrow hairs, exfoliate, moisturize your body, wax something you didn’t know you could wax.
Do a Face-Replace on a group picture with your friends.
Send me an email. Insult me. Bitingly. Tits or GTFO. Whatever. (Actually don’t send me pictures of your tits; I don’t really like them.)
Hem those clothes you’ve been meaning to hem. Or if that’s too plebeian for you, take that shit to the tailor. Drop your shoes off and have them resoled. BLEACH THOSE MOTHERFUCKING PIT STAINS.
Design a new signature for yourself.
Do some jumping jacks. Or squats. Or lunges. Or whatever.
Clean out your blog reader, twitter follows, tumblr follows, phonebook, friends list, etc.
Masturbate.
Write a Things I Love Thursday for yourself. Even if it isn’t Thursday. Because you can.
Email your favorite blogger and tell them why you like them. (Or do the same for a friend.)
Make a mixtape/playlist for someone.
Walk around with a mirror under your nose so you can feel like you’re walking on the ceiling.
Make a detailed agenda for the coming week or weekend. Consider color-coding it.
Find someone to Wiki Race with.

FIDGETING FOR A FEW HOURS:

Go for a walk and leave anything connected to the internet at home.
Find someone you like a moderate amount. Make immediate plans and follow through with them, with the intent of getting to the point where you like them quite a bit. Consider involving food.
Compose a massive, ambitious blog post.
Cook or bake, especially for other people.
Leave 10 sincere blog comments on 10 different blogs. (I’ve never actually been able to do this because I rarely have anything of substance to say in a comment, so this definitely kills a lot of time, just searching for something worth saying.)
Re-customize your desktop wallpaper and icons.
Stream a movie you’ve been meaning to watch online. Yeah, that smart, serious, slightly indie flick. Oops, I mean “film.” (Personal suggestions for Films That Not Enough People Have Watched And Which I Think People Would Benefit From Watching: Brick, The Squid and the Whale, Maria Full of Grace, Holy Rollers, The Cove, Memento, Layer Cake)
Go in your closet and compose thematic outfits. (e. g. dress in only one color, dress in every color of the rainbow, dress in only primary colors, dress in only florals, dress in only stripes, wear nothing but cotton jersey, match your furniture, pretend to be a Disney princess, cultivate a uniform)
Perfect some really complicated hair style.
Read a book. Like, a book in print. (Personally, I will always suggest sci-fi/fantasy novels because they’re easiest to get sucked into, but whatever makes you forget where you are. That being said, Harry Potter, The Golden Compass, Ender’s Game, and pretty much anything by Terry Pratchett will probably work.)
StumbleUpon.
Learn how to make animated .GIFs, then make really embarrassing .GIFs of your friends. Or awesome .GIFs of your favorite movies. Or Glee .GIFs with the caption "fanning my vagina." (You can send those to me.)
Go shopping. Buy an entire outfit for under $30. Buy something in every color of the rainbow (to wear or to eat, whichever you feel like). Buy something completely hideous, then figure out how to refashion or style it so it fits your aesthetic.
Visit the Forever21 website and try to online window shop until you have $21K of merchandise in your shopping cart.
Find a runway look you really like an attempt to replicate it. DIY as much as you can, and shop for the rest.

FIDGETING FOR A FEW DAYS OR WEEKS OR MONTHS:

Start a blog. Be ambitious. Post at least twice a day, every day. Don’t reuse anyone else’s content, ever, not even flickr photos under Creative Commons.
If you already have a blog, start a new blog series. Compose and schedule posts at least two weeks ahead of time. If you’re feeling particularly fidgety, write about something that will require a lot of outside research on your part.
Start a new TV show you’ve been meaning to watch. (I recommend Freaks and Geeks or Glee or Mad Men because their first episodes are excellent and total hooks.)
Change your blog layout.
Learn a crafty skill, like sewing, pattern-drafting, knitting, embroidery, yarn spinning, pottery, metalworking, leather upholstery, etc. Or begin a very ambitious crafting project. (Like sequining a giant Chanel logo onto a top.)
In the style of THXTHXTHX, write thank-you notes to everyone. If you’re feeling gutsy, send them out to their recipients.
Learn how to cook low-sodium, low-fat meals (in case you have a family history of heart disease and an aging relative!). Then send me your recipes and/or techniques.
Listen to 1000 new songs, a la Mighty Girl.
Pick a director or actor you admire and watch everything he or she has ever done that you can get your hands on. Read an author’s complete oeuvre or listen to every song a musical artist’s ever performed. Take a look at where greatness springs from.
Pick up a musical instrument or a language. Foreign ones are great, but I’d count programming languages too.
Obtain a map of the world to affix to something. Stick pushpins in all the countries whose cuisine you’ve sampled, then eat around until you’ve filled your map. Alternatively, set out on an expedition to discover the best ____ in your locale. Fill in the blank with whatever you like (gelato, vegan dessert, sushi, hot chocolate, used book selection, female impersonator). Consider enlisting a partner in crime.

If you are so restless that you scrolled through this post looking for a picture, here's one of Andrew Garfield:

Andrew Garfield is always relevant.

[EDIT: SHIT GUYS I LOST THE CREDIT FOR THIS PHOTO HOLD ON I'M GONNA FIND IT I WILL]

[EDIT: Guys, I don't know where this picture is from. I know it's tumblr somewhere, but trying to find a source on tumblr is like trying to find a Horcrux. Which means Harry Potter could do it, but I'm not him.]

[EDIT: JUST KIDDING! Thank you Google image search-by-size. Source]

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on The Social Network

Which I suppose is appropriate because today is Valentine's Day and I love this movie, and because I want to post this before the Oscars, which I honestly don't think TSN will win. Except maybe for best adapted screenplay and best editing. Whatever those categories are called.

DISCLAIMER: If you didn't like The Social Network, you should probably just mark this as read. Or you could read it and get really inflamed about why I like it, but I hear inflammation's not good for your skin. Also, this post will probably bore you because it has no pictures. Also, I italicize for emphasis too much in this post. Also, I am definitely a The Social Network fangirl. Also, the fandom on tumblr ships Jewnicorns, and if you haven't heard the term yet, just tumblr-search TSN and, if you are like me, you will be both extremely amused and a little creeped out, but mostly amused.

TL;DR: I like The Social Network. Judge me.

Despite the fact that I don't have a Facebook account, I find myself a complete sucker for this movie for several reasons:

Aaron Sorkin, for whose dialogue I now have a gravitationally large amount of respect, especially because he mentioned in an interview that he doesn't do plot well; he does people talking in rooms, and as someone who used to turn scripts in to her theater group that averaged 1 minute per 2 pages of dialogue, I get that. And the first thing I'm planning on watching after my Netflix free trial expires is West Wing. Or Sports Night, if I can find it.

David Fincher's tilt-shift Henley Royal Regatta scene. Justin Timberlake called the ad exec scene Aaron Sorkin's cameo; the Regatta scene is David Fincher's cameo.

Andrew Garfield's slightly Brazilian, slightly Miami(an) accent and his physicality as Eduardo Saverin. As a linguistics student, I just dig the decent accent, period, (nothing like Audrey Hepburn's My Fair Lady abomination), especially because you know he's fighting his default British accent. In terms of physicality, honestly, watch him in interviews to see how Andrew Garfield the person moves, then watch him in Boy A and Red Riding: 1974 and Never Let Me Go. His body language shifts precisely and comfortably.

Jesse Eisenberg's nuanced line deliveries and obvious theater background. He just works with words so well. (If you doubt me, see how he handles his mouthfuls of lines in The Living Wake and pretty much every inflection he makes in Zombieland.)

I actually really liked Justin Timberlake in this movie. He is so gross. He's like a really slippery eel. Covered in lesions and hairy moles. But wearing Louboutins and carrying a Chanel handbag, or something. Coated in butter. I don't know.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for this movie are absolutely genius. Every time I hear "Hand Covers Bruise," I feel deeply unsettled, like a thousand gears are turning my head and I'm about to drunk-blog and compare women to each other to rate their hotness. (Well. Unsettled, anyway. Like everything is falling out of my grasp and I need to figure out how to keep something, anything, under my control.)

I completely understand Andrew Garfield describing Eduardo's relationship to Mark as being "his boyfriend in every way but a sexual way." And it is heartbreaking to watch if you have ever felt like that about someone. Like a mother, almost, except you have a breaking point, one that you never would have expected to reach, not with that one person whom you would forgive everything if only they realized how much they hurt you.

As part of the generation dubbed "The Millennials" (couldn't they have called us the zeroes instead? The empty sets? The nothings? Oh wait, is that too bleak?), I'm inclined to see the movie's Mark Zuckerberg as a hero and an artist, not a traitor or a thief. It's not about money; it's about doing something huge. It's about not wanting to be mediocre. (It's about distinguishing yourself in a population of people who all got 1600 on their SATs; can you tell this is the part that hits home for me?)

And yet under all that, it's a story about belonging to something, about isolation, success, friendship, loyalty, betrayal, and power (or powahhh if you're Andrew Garfield). It's about turning what hurts you into something that makes you stronger and about what we choose to value. It's human. [EDIT: The thing is, I think that anyone who doesn't feel like this movie had enough of an emotional core wasn't young enough when Livejournal was still the preferred blogging platform, and has never felt like Mark coming home after being painfully socially wounded and retreating into a shell of online respite where you can control everything, and the utter isolation that fuels great bursts of creativity. Mark is bitter when he starts blogging about Erica Albright and, frankly, it was fucking shameful to watch because I know I have that in me. That is all.]

After the jump, a truly disgusting number of snippets from the screenplay, because I am smitten. (Actually I realize the jump message is going to say "I write stuff after the jump," but that's a lie. Aaron Sorkin writes stuff after the jump.)

MARK ZUCKERBERG is a sweet looking 19 year old whose lack of any physically intimidating attributes masks a very complicated and dangerous anger. He has trouble making eye contact and sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s talking to you or to himself.

MARK: How do you distinguish yourself in a population of people who all got 1600 on their SAT’s?
ERICA: I didn’t know they take SAT’s in China.
MARK: They don’t. I wasn’t talking about China anymore, I was talking about me.

MARK: I’m saying I need to do something substantial in order to get the attention of the clubs.
ERICA: Why?
MARK: Because they’re exclusive. And fun and they lead to a better life.

MARK: Wait, wait, is this real?
ERICA: Yes.
MARK: Okay, then wait. I apologize, okay?

ERICA: Why do you keep saying I don’t have to study?!
MARK: Because you go to B.U.!

MARK (V.O.): Next is Elliot. They’re also open but with no indexes on Apache. I can run an empty search and it returns all of the images in the database in a single page. Then I can save the page and Mozilla will save all the images for me. Excellent. Moving right along.

The best and the brightest are checking out the hottest and the easiest.

We see a shot of uniformed FEMALE BARTENDERS making a couple of drinks with top-shelf bottles, a DJ working the highest end equipment and 20 year old guys, some of whom look 15, in blazers, khakis and club ties.

EDUARDO SAVERIN, a sweet-looking Brazilian sophomore wearing a three-piece suit is rushing up the stairs two at a time.

It’s MARK and his LAWYERS again but this time on the other side of the table are TYLER and CAMERON, DIVYA and their lawyer, GAGE, whose family had first-class seats on the Mayflower.

MARK: At a party at Alpha Epsilon Pi.
GRETCHEN: What’s that?
MARK: The Jewish fraternity. It was Caribbean Night.

The hall has been converted into “Alpha Epsilon Pi Caribbean Night, 2003” and the party is about as lame as it sounds.

CAMERON: (he’s already seen it) It says “A Mark Zuckerberg Production”.
DIVYA: On the home page?
TYLER: On every page.
DIVYA: Shit, I need a second to let the classiness waft over me.

MARK: I went to my friend for the money because that’s who I wanted to be partners with. Eduardo was the president of the Harvard Investors Association and he was my best friend.
GAGE: Your best friend is suing you for 600-million dollars.
MARK: I didn’t know that, tell me more.

CHRISTY, the one sitting closest to EDUARDO, is wearing a short skirt with a white shirt open one button too far down the front and we can see a hint of the red bra she’s wearing underneath.

CHRISTY: (whispering) Facebook me when you get home. Maybe we can all go out and grab a drink later.
EDUARDO: (whispering) Certainly. Absolutely I will do that.

EDUARDO: She said “Facebook me” and we can all go for a drink later. Which is stunningly great for two reasons. One, she said “Facebook me”. Right? And the other is, you know--
MARK: They want to have drinks later.
EDUARDO: Yes! Have you ever heard so many different good things packed into one regular-sized sentence?

EDUARDO: You’re talking about fashion? Really? You?
MARK: I’m talking about the idea of it and I’m saying it’s never finished.
EDUARDO: Okay, but they manage to make money selling pants...

GAGE: Why hadn’t you raised any of these concerns before?
MARK: (quietly) It’s raining.
GAGE: I’m sorry?
MARK: It just started raining.
GAGE: Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?
MARK: No.
GAGE: (beat) Do you think I deserve it?
MARK: What.
GAGE: Do you think I deserve your full attention?
MARK: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition and I don’t want to perjure myself so I have a legal obligation to say no.
GAGE: Okay. “No” you don’t think I deserve your attention.
MARK: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall they have a right to give it a try. But there’s no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention--you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

SEAN: I don’t go to school.
AMY: You’re kidding?
SEAN: No.
AMY: Where did you go to school?
SEAN: William Taft Elementary for a little while.
AMY: Seriously, you’re not like 15 years old or anything are you?
SEAN: No. (beat) You’re not like--
AMY: No. So what do you do?
SEAN: I’m an entrepreneur.
AMY: You’re unemployed.
SEAN: I wouldn’t say that.
AMY: What would you say?
SEAN: That I’m an entrepreneur.
AMY: What was your latest preneur?
SEAN: Well...I founded an internet company that let folks download and share music for free.
AMY: Kind of like Napster?
SEAN: Exactly like Napster.
AMY: What do you mean?
SEAN: I founded Napster.
AMY: Sean Parker founded Napster.
SEAN: Nice to meet you.

SUMMERS: (into phone) Catherine, I have students in my office now. Students. Undergrads. I don’t know, from the looks of it they want to sell me a Brooks Brothers franchise.

EDUARDO: What’s goin’ on?
MARK: They have 10 minutes to get root access to a Python webserver, expose its SSL encryption and then intercept all traffic over its secure port.
EDUARDO: They’re hacking.
MARK: Yes, all behind a Pix Firewall Emulator. But here’s the beauty.
EDUARDO: You know I didn’t understand anything you just said, right?
MARK: I do know that.
EDUARDO: What’s the beauty?
MARK: Every 10th line of code written, they have to drink a shot. And hacking’s supposed to be stealth, so anytime the server detects an intrusion, the candidate responsible has to drink a shot. I also have a program running that has a pop-up window appear simultaneously on all five computers--the last candidate to hit the window has to drink a shot. Plus every three minutes they all have to drink a shot.
DUSTIN: (calling out) Three minutes.
EDUARDO: Can I ask--what part of the interns’ jobs will they need to be able to do drunk?
MARK: You’re right. A more relevant test might be seeing if they can keep a chicken alive for a week. (pause) That was mean.
EDUARDO hands MARK a thick envelope--
EDUARDO: Here.
MARK: What’s this?
EDUARDO: I opened a new account and put $18,000 in it. Will that get you through the summer?
MARK looks at EDUARDO...

GIRL #2: The more bad I get at this, the more wasted I get. I meant the more--
SEAN: We understand.
EDUARDO: How old are they, Sean?
SEAN: It’s not polite to ask.
EDUARDO: Sean, how old are they?
SEAN: You think you know me. Right?
EDUARDO: I’ve read enough.
SEAN: You know how much I’ve read about you? Nothing.

MARK: How’s it going? How’s the internship? How’s Christy?
EDUARDO: How’s the internship?
MARK: Yeah.
EDUARDO: Mark...Jesus, I quit the internship. We’ve talked about this on the phone, were you even--I quit on my first day.
MARK: I do remember you saying that. How’s Christy?
EDUARDO: Christy’s crazy.
MARK: Is that fun?
EDUARDO: No I mean she’s actually psychotic. She’s insanely jealous, she’s irrational and I’m frightened of her.
MARK: Still, it’s nice you have a girlfriend.
EDUARDO: I do not want that guy representing himself as part of this company.
MARK: You gotta move out here, Wardo, this is where it’s all happening.
EDUARDO: Did you hear what I just said?
MARK: The connections, the energy--
EDUARDO: Mark--
MARK: I’m afraid if you don’t come out here you’re going to get left behind. I want-- I want--I need you out here, please don’t tell him I said that.
EDUARDO: What did you just say?
MARK: It’s moving faster than any of us ever even imagined and--
EDUARDO: What do you mean get left behind?
MARK: It’s moving fast and Sean even thinks that--
EDUARDO: Sean is not part of the company.
MARK: We have over 300,000 members, Wardo, we’re in 160 schools including--
EDUARDO: I’m aware of that.
MARK: --five in Europe.
EDUARDO: I’m aware of that, Mark, I’m the CFO.
MARK: We need more servers than I ever imagined we’d need. We need more programmers. And we need more money. And he set up the Thiel meeting. He’s set up meetings all around town.
EDUARDO: He’s set up other meetings?
MARK: Yes.
EDUARDO: Without me knowing anything about it?!
MARK: You’re in New York!
EDUARDO: I’m in New York riding subways 14 hours a day trying to find advertisers!
MARK: And how’s it going so far?!!
EDUARDO: What did you mean get left behind?

MARK: Did you like being nobody?! Did you like being a joke?! Do you wanna go back to that?!

EDUARDO: This is because I froze the account?
SEAN: You think we were gonna let you parade around in your ridiculous suits pretending you were running this company?
EDUARDO: Sorry, my Prada’s at the cleaners along with my hoodie and my fuck-you flip-flops you pretentious douchebag.

EDUARDO: (turning to MARK) Tell me this isn’t about me getting into the Phoenix! (pause) You did it. I always knew you did it. You planted the story about the chicken.
SEAN: (pause) What is he talking about?
EDUARDO: You had me accused--
SEAN: Seriously, what the hell’s the chicken?
EDUARDO: And I’ll bet what you hated the most is that they identified me as a co-founder of Facebook--which I am! You better lawyerup, asshole, ‘cause I’m not comin’ back for my 30 percent, I’m comin’ back for everything!

EDUARDO looks at SEAN...then suddenly and quickly cocks his fist back to punch him in the face. SEAN flinches as EDUARDO holds his punch and lets out a small laugh.

EDUARDO: I like standing next to you, Sean. It makes me look so tough.

(This is not from the screenplay, but I have to ask... would it have been awkward for Mark to have said "My S-Q-L" back in 2003 or 2004, or should that line have been delivered as "my-sequel"? I didn't catch it until I heard someone else say "my-sequel," but it might just be like how I choose to say "P-N-G" and not "ping." Then again, I am neither a programmer nor a computer scientist.)

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Holiday Shopping Guide 2010: Trinkets, Stocking Stuffers, And The Little Things

ABSURDITY OF ALL ABSURDITIES: a gift guide (aka glorified wishlist) a month early, before department stores have even ruined "This Christmas" for you another year in a row? Why, Sam, why? Why must you discuss winter holidays like some corporate drone before Thanksgiving has even passed? Why don't department stores play Hanukkah music? Is there Hanukkah music? Why can't I own a Canadian?

BECAUSE! If you're ordering handmade or online or international, you probably want to order now. (Support handmade! Or if you don't want to support handmade, at least support your local businesses. Or if you don't want to do that either, at least don't just give everyone Border's gift cards.)

My family celebrates Christmas, but we don't do stockings, so I decided to pick only stocking stuffers (or "things that fit in a shoebox") for this ~~wishlist~~ guide because a) I have a deep-rooted need to fill the stockingless void in my life, and b) I like most things that fit in a shoebox, including shoes but excluding severed body parts.

Inspired by the craftster forums, I have divided this post into four parts: something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read. Also, I usually look to gift guides for gift inspiration, not specific items, so I've decided to cut down on images in this post.

SOMETHING YOU WANT

Pop-up books (of ships, of predators, of sea creatures, of aircraft (!))

music money, movie money, textbook money, rent money (money is great, but money for a specific use is even better (and less restrictive than a gift card). Coffee money, anyone?)
Pop Rocks, spendy/splurgey chocolate (I highly recommend Alter Eco's Dark Chocolate Mint), loose tea (I am particularly fond of brown rice tea, but not everyone drinks tea), cookies (do they sell Girl Scout cookies this time of year?)
weird Asian (probably Japanese) snacks (note: if your recipient is Asian, they have to be really weird. Pocky doesn't count unless it's some really exotic flavor like... Kobe Wine), chocolate mints, candy canes, peppermints
art prints (anything from The Wheatfield or MonsterGallery, although I have my doubts about whether these would fit in a shoebox or stocking)

A Harry Potter Quidditch helmet (I had a hard time deciding if I should put this one under "need" instead of "want," but after calling 267-436-5109 and being told I was a Muggle, I thought I should give up my hopes of becoming an internationally famous Quidditch player.)
What would you do with this tiny red fox figurine? I have no idea, but isn't it cute?

Extra random ideas (that's additional ideas that are random, not particularly random ones): peacock feathers, stickers (from Japanese stationery stores?), nice playing cards, chunky knit scarves, fake jewels (why not?), miniature cupcakes
DIY ideas: find an old hardcover book with gilded pages and turn it into a book safe, or crochet some ice cube cozies (these won the Cozies with IRONY challenge at craftster), or put together a mix tape (no really! When's the last time someone gave you one of those? Maybe not a real mix tape on a cassette, but what about a mix CD? A mix playlist?)

SOMETHING YOU NEED

underwear from aerie

hand moisturizer (assuming your recipient has no allergies... I like Aveeno and Vaseline, but Neutrogena, Burt's Bees, and Philosophy are supposed to have really good ones)
a knit hat with earflaps (or a trapper. You can probably get these at Urban Outfitters or any outdoorsy store (or etsy, if you are so inclined, but get the knit ones, not the crocheted ones).)
cute umbrellas (Because who couldn't use one? I would try ModCloth for these.)
convertible mittens (Forever21 and Urban Outfitters usually have them online and in-store this time of year)
Rosebud Perfume Co. Rosebud Salve (I know, I know, but it's that good, and I'm sure you know someone who considers it too spendy to buy for him/herself. So indulge them a bit. And if you really can't stand the tin, it comes in tube form now. Hallelujah!)
nice pencils, pens, and notebooks - the kind you wouldn't normally justify spending money on because they're slightly too expensive (think Moleskines and Faber-Castells, not Mont Blancs)
Staedtler erasers, the Holy Grail of all erasers
printer ink (possibly boring, but c'mon... who likes buying printer ink?)
(Recycled) drinking glasses from YAVAglass - I can't be the only one who finds these both adorable and beautiful, can I?

a Polaroid frame mirror for the narcissist in your life (no points if you gift this to yourself)
Extra random ideas: novelty USB drives, a Baker's Edge brownie pan (all corners!), a Kokuyo Kadokeshi all-corners eraser, lip balm, novelty bandages, mints, nice tweezers, an eyelash curler
DIY ideas: hand-painted mugs, plates, teacups (you just need porcelain paint pens! They exist!), a personally selected e-book of recipes (like the Reddit College Cookbook!), etched glasses (shot glasses are the most fun), cookie- or soup-in-a-jars (I think most college students will appreciate these)

These Transformers shot glasses are by GoodGuyComics on etsy, but stencils really aren't that hard to cut. It just takes patience. And tiny scissors.

SOMETHING TO WEAR

nail polish! Sephora by OPI is always good, but ELF has super cheapo $1 nail polish if you're not ready to make a commitment and just want a good time
makeup brushes (try ELF or Sonia Kashuk at Target... they have excellent reviews and are not pricey at all)
Jewel Alchemy/Ananda Organics lip balm - seriously the best balm/gloss combination I have ever tried, and it's both petroleum- and beeswax-free for you environmentalist vegans out there (the consistency in the tube is awkwardly grainy, but it applies so softly shiny and sheer)
colorful tights (I'd try Forever21 and H&M, though based on all the rave reviews, I assume We Love Colors is also a good place to buy)
glitter/metallic eyeliner (How festive and impractical! The makings of a perfect stocking stuffer! My main requirement is softness, so I recommend Urban Decay 24/7 Liner (super soft, super vivid, and doesn't budge) and Make Up Forever Aqua Eyes (I've only tried it in store, but it's super soft and super vivid too). If you're looking for some shiny on the cheap, ELF makes some very soft eyeliner too, although the gunmetal one isn't that vivid on my skin. But they cost $1. And they come with a sharpener. And I think you can find them at some Targets. What've you got to lose?))

Not gonna lie, the Urban Decay 24/7 Jackpot looks reeeeaaaaal good.

I Love the 90s: The Beets tour t-shirt ("Killer Tofu," anyone? This is from Doug, in case you missed the reference.)
Threadless t-shirts (I prefer searching by color, since the neutrals tend to be classier... but graphic tees aren't really a classy gift, so to hell with class.)
Sock Dreams sells the best freaking socks ever. Their O Basics have that intangible make-you-feel-good-when-you-wear-them quality.
You could also try Happy Socks. I've never worn their socks, but they are definitely aesthetically pleasing.
A necklace that says "I am the shit" from Locher's
10% or 90% pigment lipstick from Lipstick Queen, or the black gloss (YSL anyone?) or gloss pencils
silkscreened t-shirts from isotope (I happen to be particularly fond of their use of color in their designs)
bobby pins and/or necklaces from Woodland Belle

SOMETHING TO READ

sheet music (get this local! I bet your old-school music store needs support! I love pop, Broadway, and Disney because it's fun to play music you're familiar with (and that other people will recognize), but you could always go for holiday-themed stuff or ... classical or baroque or whatever. Different folks, different strokes.)
You can't read a blue whale, but you can sponsor one. If you aren't as enamored with blue whales as I am (I like whales, okay?), you can also sponsor a panda, a manatee, a koala, a giraffe, a snow leopard, or a duck-billed platypus, among lots of other animals. (The uglier it is, the more it probably needs support.)

DIY idea: highlight a dictionary with all the words that remind you of your recipient (I suggest buying a used one, not using the OED, and including a personalized bookmark)
Gala Darling's Love & Sequins! I can wholeheartedly recommend only #2 (The Smart Girl's Guide to Business) and #7 (Blogging 101), but since I've only bought those two, she's had a 100% success rate with me so far, and I'll bet #1 (Learning to Love Yourself) and #5 (Finding Happiness & Making It Stay) are just as good. (P. S. The podcasts are the best part. Gala's more of a reader than a talker in Love & Sequins, but I find that hearing her words is more effective than reading them sometimes.)
If you're in the area, a California Academy of Sciences Membership is a beautiful thing to have. (I still haven't been to the planetarium. Why.)
the xkcd "Height" poster. It continues up to 46 billion light-years, but here's the very bottom of the poster:

the Ender series boxed set :) For anyone who likes young adult sci-fi/fantasy.
Dubliners by James Joyce, in case you know someone who hasn't read it yet. They're short stories, so nobody can complain!
SET the card game (I think I'm addicted)
Polarity, the magnetic boardgame, from ThinkGeek (don't know if this is fun, but it looks cool and probably would be challenging... my kind of game (unless you're talking about Puerto Rico, which takes waaay too long to explain))
a mancala set
The Art of Manipulating Fabric
Kendi's 30 for 30 remix guide, which I haven't read, but if it's anything like her blog, it's probably both funny and practical
a donation to Wikipedia (though honestly I wouldn't recommend this or the WWF donation unless your recipient asks for "nothing" and you still want to get them something)
The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha from 1000 Awesome Things
any PostSecret books

I would have made this longer, but I ran out of breath.

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Notes to a 17-year-old Sam

Twenty-six things:

If you’re not prepared to transfer schools, stop harping on and on about how you might have chosen the wrong one.

You’re lactose-intolerant. And possibly gluten-intolerant.

He’s taken, he's gay, he’s also taken, he’s also gay, he’s of a questionable enough orientation that you shouldn’t bother, and he’s married.

He’s totally single and straight but not what you’re looking for. Put him in your spank bank and call it a night. If you understand me but don’t get the reference, watch 10 Things I Hate About You. See that cutie trying to woo Bianca? His name may be unfamiliar now, but you’re gonna wanna put that one in your spank bank too, because he’s going to grow up to be Joseph Knickersoaking Gordon-Levitt.

College is going to hurt. Arm yourself with a smile, books to shatter your insides, movies to make you cry, music that silences the world, a blank notebook, a ballpoint pen, an RSS reader, an unlimited text plan, Vitamin C Monster, knitting needles, sewing needles, lactase pills, enormous scarves, shoes from somewhere other than Payless, a picture of yourself with long hair, greasy lip balm, and more Tylenol than you think you will ever consume.

The sooner you download an IPA font, the happier you will be when doing linguistics homework. On that note, the sooner you take your first linguistics class, the happier you will be.

The sooner you take a theater class, the sooner you will get it out of your system.

That one also goes in the spank bank.

That one goes in your pocket next to your heart. So does that one, and that one, and that one.

Don’t buy anything from Crossroads or Buffalo Exchange. You’re going to regret it. Especially the shoes.

I know she’s being pushy, but buy the bra. It will fit better than all the other ones you own.

Don’t buy the dress. Even if she’s really encouraging. It’s not your style.

Eat as many dining hall sweet potato fries and waffles with strawberries as you can.

Befriend the misfits because you know you like them. Stop being afraid of being shot down, and stop caring what other people think about who you associate with.

Don’t buy the textbook! The whole thing’s online.

Watch Spring Awakening when the tour stops at the Curran so you don’t spend the next six months stalking the show.

You are not as bad at math as you think you are. Also, your first math GSI is going to have skinny legs and a French accent, and you’re going to draw a cat on a pirate ship on your final exam. You won’t like your second math GSI, but that class will (tangentially) involve fruit cups, baked goods, an Indian man with a smooth jump shot, and moments of stunning clarity. It is going to be awesome, so don’t freak out.

Those shorts are really too short.

Stop buying drugstore mascara and just get a tube of Imju Fiberwig.

If it really bothers you, tell him.

Delete your Facebook account. Now. Also, don’t bother joining Chictopia. Don’t change your blog URL. Register for a Paypal account. Sign up for Tumblr and Twitter.

You will actually cry over typos. More than once. Please understand that this comes with the package of being a linguistics student, and with the baggage of computer programming.

You need to wash your hair exactly twice a week, with normal-people shampoo and conditioner. So have fun experimenting, but your scalp is going to go crazy for a while when you do.

You’re not going to do anything with them, but you should take computer science courses and prereqs anyway, because all the cool kids live in Soda and Cory, and the sooner you figure this out, the better.

He’s not being wildly inappropriate; he’s just awkward.

You will not learn how to accept being lost for a couple of years, so until then, you don’t have to expend so much energy on trying to convince yourself that you’re okay with it when you aren’t.

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17 Ways To Lighten the Fuck Up, Calm the Fuck Down, And Remember That Sometimes Life’s Fuckery Only Looks So Big Because It’s Full of Secrets

“If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like.”

- Sam, Garden State

This is something I wish I could have given myself this time last year.

Floss your teeth but move around your mouth in the opposite direction you usually do. If you don’t normally floss, try brushing your teeth with the wrong hand, a la Lifehacker. If you don’t normally brush your teeth, you should start. In any case (unless you are ambidextrous), enjoy laughing at yourself for being completely uncoordinated.

Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and deliver one (or all) of these choice pickup lines with CONVICTION: Did it hurt (when you fell from heaven)? Your eyes are like the stars; can I buy you a drink? Are you tired? ‘Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day. My love for you is like diarrhea. (I just can't hold it in.) I’d like to Slytherin to your Chamber of Secrets.

Either thank someone or tell someone you love that you love them, in complete earnest. Expect nothing back.

Giant blanket fort + a children’s book + tater tots. Alter recipe as desired. (My personal favorite? Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister. Shinyshinyshiny!)

Think about Obama pooping. The Pope, pooping. Lady Gaga. Pooping. Beyonce, Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld, Gala Darling, and babies. Pooping. Like, maybe after eating Indian food. Aughhh gross gross gross. (Unless you have a scat fetish. Then I’m not sure this will help you lighten up. At least it will distract you.)

Get some perspective. Look at the stars. Or the ocean. Or a forest of redwoods. Or a picture of the Earth. Or of the Milky Way. Revel in your insignificance. Know that your existence is a miracle of probability, and recognize how small you are in the bigger scheme of things. Nothing you do matters outside of our tiny portion of the Universe. (I actually find that anything astronomy-related will make me feel insignificant enough to realize how pointless most of my worries are.)

I haven't been able to deduce the original source for this Carl Sagan image-quote, and I'm sure you've seen this before, but it always bears repeating. This is all we have and are. Calm the fuck down.

Play with a dog or a baby.

Get rejected, or fail really hard. Right now. Go do it. Ask someone on the street to marry you. Fashion a three-dimensional self-portrait out of mashed potatoes and butter. Sit in on a large class you’re not taking and attempt to take an exam you are woefully unprepared for. Walk to the convenience store in full costume and makeup as a fruit or vegetable. Fail so goddamn hard that your next failure cannot possibly be this embarrassing or this bad.

Sing a song out loud. Now raise the key and sing it again. Repeat until you sound ridiculous enough to laugh at yourself. (Note: If you are Darren Criss, don’t bother with this one because you will never manage to sound more ridiculous than sexy.)

Attempt to tweeze all your leg hairs. (Or your arm hairs. Or upper lips hairs. Or armpit hairs. You have to have hair in at least one of those places, right?) This works because a) it hurts (and is therefore really distracting), and b) it’s productive. (Although if you really want distracting, try your fingers or toes. Or around your ankles. Oh my God the pain. Don’t do this if you have an addictive personality, though. Tweezing might be less publicized than cutting, but taken to an extreme, it can be a form of self-mutilation too. Don't laugh at this, and don't get addicted to this.)

Do crunches. Do crunches until it hurts, and then do some more until you can’t think about anything except how much your abs ache. Then stop. (Or squats. Or jumproping. Whatever gets you so physically exhausted that your brain turns off, do it.) Alternatively, engage in physical labor. My personal favorite is hand-washing all my laundry, but whatever works for you.

Be unapologetically, gloriously, butt-fucking naked. (Preferably where it’s legal and not distracting to anyone.)

Learn a really embarrassing or elaborate dance routine. (K-Pop routines* are best, but this should also do it.)

Consider your Plan Z. Now consider it again, seriously. Now write down the steps you can take to make Plan Z a reality, and acknowledge that your Plan Z doesn't sound that bad.

Go feed the hungry. No, really. Go call up your nearest soup kitchen and ask when the soonest you can volunteer is. Or do anything, really, that will put you in a situation that surrounds you with people less fortunate than you. Let your tender heart (tend to) start to bleed, and remember that you don’t have it that bad. This isn’t an exercise in sucking it up – being economically and socially privileged comes with its own world of pains – but I find that it’s a really good way to ground yourself. On that note, watch this Neil Pasricha TED talk.

Eat something really sour or really bitter (or otherwise scrunchy-face-inducing). Lemons, bittermelon, durian, and salted licorice (oh my God Ajay why did I have to be introduced to this) all work well for me.

Go to the cemetery. (Preferably one where you can honor your dead and not someone else’s, but anything that isn’t life-threatening that manages to remind you of your mortality should also remind you not to get so caught up in things that don’t or won’t matter.)

*WHAT THE HELL WHERE HAVE ALL THESE INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE, SLIGHTLY EFFEMINATE KOREAN MEN BEEN ALL MY LIFE

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the short of it

My morning started off innocuously enough. I went to my computer science discussion and played cat's cradle with my lab partner with a thread that came off her skirt while our TA talked about the minimax search algorithm and our project implementation.

Then I went to see my major adviser to get an adviser code for spring scheduling. I've realized that as much as I am terrified of talking to people older than me, I kind of like that time of semester when I have to make my way into the labyrinth that is Dwinelle and tell someone who is almost a complete stranger what my plans are for the next few semesters. It's kind of nice be told when it seems like everything is going to shit that No, really, you're doing quite well, actually.

So anyway, I was in a pretty good mood, but LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WAS THE LAST TIME I WOULD EVER WEAR THESE SHORTS AGAIN.

I'd been hurting for some decent short-shorts for more than a year, ever since ~~my Wet Seal pair became too scandalous for public consumption~~ my butt became too scandalous for my Wet Seal shorts, but I hadn't caved until my Alloy purchase. And my first impression was that my new shorts were going to suck because they cost $9 and sounded crispy when I sat down. Well, they sort of did suck because the button on the fly fell off and the hem on the cuff unraveled on the first wash (which was a hand-wash, for the record), and I only keep white thread at my apartment so I couldn't sew anything up because the shorts are black.

But anyway, I think I must've really wanted short-shorts in my life because when they shrunk in the dryer after our first week together, I felt like...

I didn't know it then, but this would be the last time they ever graced my butt.

White button-down: Forever21. Gray t-shirt: Hanes, men's. Short shorts: alloy. Tights: gift. Black and white oxfords: Miz Mooz.

Even though our time together was short, short-shorts, I will love you long time, and I'll always be thankful that you were there for me when my wardrobe really needed it. Maybe someday, I'll find someone like you to fill that void in my wardrobe (and therefore, ultimately, my life) that I didn't know existed until that day we first we found each other. Rest in peace.

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19 Things You Should Know How To Do By The End Of Your Teens (For The Ladies)

I originally wrote this thinking I would be writing 99 other lengthy entries over the course of the following 99 days, but I’m too lazy, and I’m going to turn 20 soon, so I thought now would be an appropriate a time as any to publish this.

So I keep hearing about writing 100 articles in 100 days just to get content flowing on your blog. I don't claim this to be a writing-based blog (or even a fashion or style blog, really), but I like the idea and I think my writing chops need exercise. So here's my first non-article because I think 100 Wordy Posts in 100 days is quite enough, thanks. Without further ado, 19 things I think I and other 19-year-old ladies should know how to do before I am no longer a teenager (insert subject-verb agreement problems):

Walk in high heels. Especially if you're dressed to the nines, because it's embarrassing to hobble. (Or to be a friend of the hobbling girl who clearly hasn't yet learned to walk in heels. I mean, come on, is Ne-Yo singing about the girl who walks like a boss and talks like a boss (and has manicured nails to set the pedicure off), or who HOBBLES LIKE A PIRATE WITH SCURVY AND A WOODEN LEG?)

Write a check (at least for rent). I believe now would be an appropriate time for this RENT song:

Say no (includes declining drinks, romantic advances, and people who eat your time). (Not that I've declined drinks.) (NOT THAT I'VE HAD THEM OFFERED.) (Regarding people who eat your time: The Art of Radical Exclusion via The Art of Non-Conformity)

Flirt with anyone and anything, including inanimate objects and people you are not romantically interested in.

Do your laundry without ruining your clothes.

Cook, especially breakfast foods.

Take flattering photos. (...This is only half-joking, but if you need to work on this one, I'd suggest starting a blog. You learn pretty quickly what looks good and what doesn't. I usually just aim for "good enough" though.)

Above, worth reposting because this is such a flattering photo! Do as I say, not as I do.

Apply makeup (at least eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick). FUN FACT (hi George): I'm not an eye makeup person, but even I have never found a satisfactory drugstore mascara. Imju Fiberwig all the way! Lipstick-wise, I'm a big fan of MAC Slimshine and Wet 'n' Wild mixed with Vaseline.

Book your own flight. (I've never even flown by myself, what is this?)

Hail a cab. (The opportunities for this are kind of sparse, but I feel like it's something I should know how to do, especially since I consciously omitted driving cars from this list.)

Talk to adults (oh God) – because you are one.

Select produce. (I'd like to take this moment to direct your attention to that time in high school when I wanted to write up a post but had a huge assignment due the next morning so instead I posted a picture of a moldy orange:

Your life has just been enhanced by this image.)

Swim. (I GOT THIS!)

Accept a compliment.

Sew.

Be rejected.

Forgive, and apologize.

Thrift, or buy secondhand. (I really do think everyone should know how to shop secondhand in a way that works for him or her, especially because it's 2010 and we should be using the crap out of everything we own before looking for new stuff. I'm being hypocritical because I like shiny new things as much as the next person, but I don't think there should be any stigma attached to secondhand anymore, not when it makes so much environmental sense.)

Speak in front of a crowd. (Easy peasy.)

...I have yet to learn how to say no, book my own flights, hail a cab, talk to adults, and be rejected. Chances of me mastering these before I hit 20? Next to nil.

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basics

So I've always had a beef with the idea of "wardrobe basics" because my shopping strategy generally goes like

SAM: Ooh, shiny!
FORMIDABLE PRICE TAG: (is formidable)
SAM'S WALLET: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
SAM: Disappointment. Woe. Misery.
(Five minutes later.)
SAM: Ooh, shiny!
FRIENDLY PRICE TAG: (is friendly)
SAM'S WALLET: hey, ASL?
SAM: BE MINE!

but I recently realized that before I started thumbing through fashion magazines and scrolling through style blogs and clicking through runway shows, there were a few things I gravitated toward without fail (and continue to gravitate toward regardless of current trends or even current inspiration) and they are

red plaid
super dark (blue) wash jeans
white button-down blouses
things that look like they should be worn with petticoats
knee and thigh high socks
exciting tights
simple black shoes

EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW! These must be Those Which Will Enable My Wardrobe To Become Self-Actualized! (Unless my style evolves. Which it will.)

Anyway, to celebrate my epiphany, I went window shopping for blouses. Huzzah: