Things I Love: January 2011

January, you were stunningly great for several reasons. One, you lay a new blanket of snow and buried 2010. Right? And the other is, you know —

"I want to have drinks later."

Yes! Have you ever heard so many different good things packed into one regular-sized month? I will need to enumerate some of these stunningly great things:

• Alchemy for Droid
  
• my grandmother & my family
• that you can find oxfords, like, everywhere now, and I no longer have to worry about getting inane comments like "You look like you're wearing little men's shoes."
  
• sleeping on an actual bed
• Night Watch by Terry Pratchett
• Netflix free trials (!!!)
  
• The Secret of Kells, about the Book of Kells:
  

Actual Book of Kells.

The Secret of Kells. (That movie I randomly decided I wanted to watch based on the poster!) (The animation style is so utterly charming and different and NOT DISNEY, and I just fell in love with it as soon as the Viking invasion flashback came onscreen.)

• the stats grad student named Christine who gifted me an enormous bag of secondhand clothes that all miraculously fit
• quinoa with lemon juice and zest and carrots and peas and celery
• Despicable Me

WHAT A RIDICULOUS MOVIE. I feel like I should have LOVED it, but I only Liked It A Lot. The humor was spot-on, though.

• my experimental phonetics class
• An Education, especially for the kid who plays Graham.
  

A queer little movie in which Carey Mulligan in a mousy hairstyle turns down this young Adonis in favor of a kind of sleazy, socially attractive older man. Which I guess I could understand, but look at that BABY ANGEL GRAHAM! Anyway, here are some beautiful 1960s costumes.

• Bobby, who is mildly offensive and very funny, and Steven, who knows that no in-class doodle is complete until everything is wearing a hat (even the hats must wear hats), and Stephanie ♥
  
• The Princess and the Frog, especially for the Art Deco sequence in "Almost There":
  

• running into Jessie and honestly telling her, in response to "How are you?", "Really bad."
• Daniel, who really is one of the sweetest people I know, for our textbook swap
• Ponyo

Actually, I didn't like Ponyo was much as I was expecting to, considering that it was a Miyazaki film. I suspect it has something to do with my being pretentious and expecting it to have been in Japanese with English subtitles, but I mean, that's not to say watching it didn't engender amusement and joy in my black hole of a heart.

• the magically sweet dehydrated strawberry I found in my Special K (probably only the third or fourth sweet dehydrated strawberry I have ever come across in my life)
  
• that the power went out after I went to bed and before I woke up, instead of while I was awake
• Kathleen and Mihran
• Sunshine and TK
• this protector monkey my cousin and I made in the hospital for my grandma sometime between the hours of 12 and 2 AM with a sewing kit, a ballpoint pen, craft felt, and scissors borrowed from the ICU nurses' station

It's a girl.

The sewing kit my aunt dug out of her purse was ancient. It was a pretty desperate operation, the only threads available being black and salmon, but I'd say it worked out.

• The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, which is actually completely delightful despite the ridiculous name. First off, Andrew Garfield is SO PRECIOUS in it, what with the being romantically denied and earnest and BAMBI-LIKE. Second, Lily Cole's acting is not bad at all, and she has amazing boobs. Third, looking at the costumes and makeup is like standing in front of a visual snack table and taste-testing everything. (Fingerless gloves! Long skirts! Ragged britches! DIRT SMEARED ON FACES!) Fourth, I forgot Heath Ledger was in it, and the first time he appeared onscreen felt like a little blow to the ovaries (or something). Fifth, ANDREW GARFIELD IN A DRESS:

If you ever finish giggling over those GIFs, here are some images that are pretty telling about how crazy-visually-detailed this movie is. Warning: you may fall in love with the costumes, Andrew Garfield, Lily Cole, Heath Ledger, and fingerless gloves.

Will you just look at Lily Cole!!! No is not an option!!!

HOLY KNITWEAR, BATMAN, HAVE MERCY ON US MORTALS. IT IS NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO BE AS ADORABLE AS ANDREW GARFIELD.

• Red Riding: In the Year of Our Lord 1974, which I really wish had subtitles even though it's in English, because it's very mumbly and 1970s and English (by which I intend not to be redundant but to convey "jolly good, wot wot" English). Not really my kind of movie, but it's okay because Sean Bean is in it (my dormant Lord of the Rings fangirl ears perked up), and it stars Andrew Garfield, who, despite his really, truly hideous 1970s sideburns and floral shirts and flared pants that make him look even more chicken-legged than he really is, is insanely sexy. I don't really want to comment on the movie itself or Andrew Garfield's acting (which is a weird combination of How Andrew Garfield Comes Off In Interviews plus Believable, Doe-Eyed Earnestness - it's very weird, it's like a whole new character but laced with a little thread of Andrew), so I'll just leave you with some pictures.
  

Could you say no to a man in this sweatervest-shirt combo? I thought not.



BAM YOU'RE PREGNANT (P. S. The sideburns are real. You go, Andrew Garfield.)

So this movie ruined "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" for me, because now, every time I hear it, all I can think of is the surprise attack of ANDREW GARFIELD'S PLEASURED MOANING AND PASTY BRITISH-AMERICAN ASS, Andrew Garfield in tiny underwear, and Andrew Garfield having SEX! Lots and lots of sex.

• waking up at 7:30 every morning, despite the fact that my earliest class is at 9:30
• the Korean version of Spring Awakening
  
• mishearing "endian" as "Indian" and subsequently writing "big Indian, little Indian??" on my notes
• that the screenplay for The Social Network is available from the movie website (HOLY AARON SORKIN, I fucking love your dialogue!)
  
• the TIMIT corpus's ridiculous sentences, which include gems like...
  

  Alice, I tell you my feet are like chopped beefsteak.
  
  "Infectious hepatitis!", he shouted heartily.
  
  Where do you put the lighter fluid, ha, ha?
  
  So he hides the mayonnaise.
  
  Nor is she a wet boat.
  
  Another, longer strip of tinsel whipped his mouth.
  
  From childhood he had known all about knives.
  
  What is this large thing by the ironing board?
  
  Topography -- topography is very important.
  
  The so-called vegetable ivory is the hard endosperm of the egg-sized seed.
  
  We have nothing to hide under a bushel.
  
  He was busy, he said, in having someone submit to a monkey-gland operation.
  
  Quite often, honeybees form a majority on the willow catkins.
  
  Husky young man, he said with mock distaste.
  
  Is it because of my slovenliness that hair grows on my face?
  
  He drove sensual patterns off, carefully shaving his long upper lip.
  
  Ice baths, electric shocks, lashings, wild dogs, testicle crushers.
  
  Brown eyes, eyebrow mustache.
  
  Two clotted balls the color of mucus rolled between fiery lids.
  
  "Presently", his water brother said breathlessly.
  
  Anyhow, it was high time the boy was salted.
  
  Why pick me for your patsy?
  
  When she awoke, she was the ship.
  
  Come sit, he repeated, motioning to the piled hay bags, over the pig leavings.
  

• Men. Namely Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield especially when YOUR BROMANCE IS SHOWING, BOYS (okay, honestly, my bookmarks have separate folders for "Jesse Eisenberg," "Andrew Garfield," and "TSN" because I have THAT MUCH FANGIRLING TO DO, so maybe I'll hoard some of it for another post...):

INTERVIEWER: Have you guys picked dates for the Oscars yet? It's, it's fast approaching.
JESSE: I'm doing a, uh, a - like, a very thorough interview process. We get several candidates, it's going to be televised on Fox, and uh, you know, the winner gets to go on to round two.
INTERVIEWER: That's pretty good.
JESSE: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: How 'bout you, Andrew?
ANDREW: Um, I am, in - I'm auditioning for round one, and then we'll see. (crosses fingers)

INTERVIEWER: Jesse, just one quick question - which actress would, would you most like to work with next on a film? Respectively.
ANDREW: Andrew Garfield.
JESSE: Andrew.

Jesse Eisenberg is really, really quietly funny. I want to be his friend. And I'll admit right now that the first time I watched Jesse Eisenberg or Andrew Garfield was in The Social Network, but honestly, it wasn't them or their acting that made me obsessed with the movie; it was the story, then the script. THEN I watched some interview that involved Aaron Sorkin and David Fincher and noticed how amusing Jesse and Andrew seemed, and then I watched a cast interview, and then it exploded.

So I think I'm going to have to limit this post to ... Jesse Eisenberg.

Mmhm.



Above and below, Jesse Eisenberg on the episode of Saturday Night Live that he hosted. Hee heeeeee~





"SO SEXY." I know there have to be people who disagree with me when I say that Jesse Eisenberg is crazy sexy, like, um, sexier than James Franco and Joseph Gordon-Levitt combined, but I really do think he's CRAZY SEXY. I think it's the combination of being at least moderately attractive + self-effacing interviews + all of the really smart-funny jokes he makes. Hot is something James Franco and JGL have down pat, but sexy is on a whole other plane that Jesse Eisenberg OWNS. At least according to my vagina.



FREIGHT TRAIN OF CONFIDENCE.



So I have a thing for men in suspenders. Also for Jesse Eisenberg's hair when it is straightened and more Catholic-looking.



1) "HELLA." 2) His hair. 3) He's only telling the truth.



BB BOI!!!



This is the part of the post dedicated solely to Jesse Eisenberg's tongue.

Don't bother putting those pants back on; Jesse Eisenberg's about to charm them off again with his unbearably endearing interview manners.

"I don't care. Money is no object. Well it's literally an object, but it's not important."

"The concept of the photoshoot was that I'm sitting on the bed after a long night... of gallivanting. Yes, there's a very nice woman in the room with me. She's wearing kind of a sleek... Latex... pant - pantaloons, and um, and also kind of a tight bustier. I'm sure it - I don't like to sexualize women. Um. .... .... ... ...Unless, you know - "

"My style is like every day is laundry day. I feel dumb in all things. Except, uh, one-piece pajamas. With a butt flap."

"I listen to musical theater - because - my mom - didn't know how to raise a boy."

"I've never been in the same room as a keg, but I've seen a picture of one. It looks very interesting."

"I did, um, children's theater when I was eight years old, so we would, ah, have to audition for the plays, but you were guaranteed a spot. Um. That's not how Hollywood works."

"I think I'm an abstinence symbol. If I take my shirt off, people will not have babies."

"Can I just mention my - I have a favorite color, and I feel like I haven't mentioned it. It's like an off - it's an off blue. ... ...It's like blue, but a little off. ... ... ... ...To the left."

I think it's pretty clear that Jesse's way more comfortable in his interview with Conan O'Brien than with anyone else. (And in case you were wondering, he molests his chair in a lot of his interviews. Like this one with Emma Stone. Also he's on anxiety (?) medication and really does have therapists.)

CONAN: They're not nice to you at these other - at other talk shows?
JESSE: Well, I don't really know because I don't speak that much Spanish, but um...

CONAN: Do you have a therapist?
JESSE: You know, I'm working with a small team now. They're backstage. They did my hair, makeup, and took my pulse before I came out, and they said I'm good to go.
CONAN: Good!
JESSE: And then after the show, they ice me.

CONAN: Has your life changed considerably since, you know, Social Network came out?
JESSE: I've gotten, uh, more cats. Uh.
CONAN: SLOW DOWN!

JESSE: Yes, I have a lot of cats, a lot of cat food, a lot of litter, and uh, and nothing else in the apartment.
CONAN: So just cat paraphernalia is what you have.
JESSE: My life is basically just, you know, feeding and cleaning cats, and then I get to be the "Sexiest Geek Alive."

And finally, what really got me interested in the first place: Jesse on The Social Network's Mark Zuckerberg, and Jesse on acting, from this interview.

"I really view him as an artist. And if you view it in that way, a lot of what he does is not only defensible but necessary. As an actor, if I show up late somewhere or I say something that's eccentric, it's totally acceptable – not only that, it's lauded in some perverse way. Because Mark is a businessman, we don't give him the same leeway."

"You can't scream and cry in the street because everybody will look. If you do it on a movie set, you get applauded. And that's one of the great emotions we can experience. Everyone can put somebody on a pedestal and then realize the pedestal is of your own making."

WHAT A QUALITY HUMAN BEING/ARTIST JESSE EISENBERG IS AND WHAT A QUALITY MONTH THIS HAS BEEN.