Hey There Bryan

So a couple floormates and I wrote a spoof of "Hey There Delilah." Here are our lyrics.

Hey there, Bryan, what's it like in 401
With Seward playing his èrhú from down on the bottom bunk
Across the room?
Check out his fierce karate moves!
You mean wǔshù?

Hey there, Bryan, what's it like living with Michael
Who looks like Tom Sawyer's brother and makes pot(sss) and likes to cycle
Everywhere?
He likes to cut off Shiva's hair
Right by the stairs.

Oh, what do you do in there?
Oh, what do you do in there?
Oh, what do you do in there?
Oh, what do you do in there?
Do you do them in there?

Hey there, Bryan, what's it like with such a mane?
You remind me of Chewbacca or a dog who hasn't bathed for seven years.
The sight of it brings me to tears.
Where are your ears?

Hey there, Bryan,
(in Indian accent) Your accents are quite atrocious.
(in Chinese accent) They all sound the same, but that's okay
(in Spanish accent) Porque your pelo's so ferocious
Like a bear.
Shiva has purple underwear!
(We looked down there.)

Oh, what do you do in there?
Oh, what do you do in there?
Why won't Michael cut your hair?
Nothing in your life is fair.

Down the hall seems really far
With your peanut butter jar.
It's so heavy you think that you might faint.
We may all make fun of you
But you should just admit it's true
Q-U-N-T is not how you spell quaint.

Bryan, I can promise you
That when our freshmen year is through
All three of you will be the best of friends
Until the end.

Hey there, Bryan, you be good and don't forget us.
Three more years and you'll be on your own.
Jump on the 51 bus! Here it comes!
You'll be on there with all the bums,
Twisting lightbulbs for Indians.
This is the part where Minnie hums.
Hum hum hum hum.

Oh, what do you do in there
Inside that triple room you share?
Oh, what do you do in there?
Oh, we ask because we care
We ask because we cayer-ay-ayer-ayer-ay-ayer.