Dear Berkeley,

I just wanted to let you know that this year is going swimmingly, and I feel much better than I did last year, and that this apartment is working out so much more smoothly than I could have imagined, with our monthly apartment meetings and receipt-tallying and chore allocation, and I am so thankful to have made a decision that made me nervous and auditioned for that intro to acting class, because knowing I am going to be in Zellerbach gives me a little push to get me through my day, every day. Not to mention extremely blond Benjamin who is adorable. But that's not the point. Or maybe it is.

Maybe the point is that this year is better because boys are an option now that I'm done learning how to get along with life, and I cannot live without boys. Anyway.

Autumn is a-coming in, but all I can think of is winter. Every imaginable pair of tights and caramel apple spice and mint M&Ms and coats and cardigans and scarves and peppermint and hot chocolate and knee socks and mittens and dark lips and cold, biting air.

I feel that I am at a personal crossroads. In terms of everything. How I spend my free time. How I fit as a part of my family. Who I choose to spend my time with. What I want to hold on to. What is actually important to me. What kind of decisions scare me now.

I also feel like one of those kids who hit their prime in high school.

  • Learning to love absolves everything. I was right when I was 14 and wrote that "Forgiveness and communication are everything." Live by it.
  • There is no reason I need to limit myself to how amazing I was in high school because to be honest, I wasn't all that amazing.
  • In many ways, awkward is more delicious than suave.
  • I think Danica is completely right on this one: the more potential you have, the more your instructor will push you. The key is to keep in mind that that criticism is for your own good.
  • Most days, my life feels like one big to-do list that is never going to get done. And I definitely get more satisfaction out of crossing items off my list than actually going through the process of completing them. This probably says something about how I view life.
  • I am one of those people who tries really hard to look like I don't care about anything but I think I probably care too much about everything.
  • Also from my 14-year-old self, who sounds a lot wiser than I remember being, "Look good outside, feel good inside" and "Make sure you are doing things for the right reasons."
  • And what may be my most genius words ever,
"If you want something, make sure you can have it."
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